Gender, family and caste

Family plays a major role in defining a person’s gender. It starts from childhood when we dress up boys and girls differently. Children are raised in such a way that they are conscious of their gender in every phase of their life. The difference is pronounced from the way a girl and a boy dress to the way they behave, walk or speak.
A girl child is brought up with certain norms of femininity and female sexuality injected to her. She covers her body parts, sits, walks and speaks in a so called gentle manner and maintains a distance while dealing with men. This is not done intentionally to confine themselves to the gender norms, but is a way of asserting themselves as respectable women. On the other hand, boys are expected to be brave and tough. They are to be the bosses at home and the qualities required are nourished in them from the childhood. While the girl child helps the mother in the kitchen, a boy goes out and fetches necessary articles, even escorts his mother at times. However, as the family has its influence on a person’s gender identity, this identity in turn influences the familial practices.
A family’s anxiety begins before a child is born; whether it is a boy or a girl. If it is a boy, he’ll be the heir to the family name and property. He’ll only inherit the traditional skills of the family. He’s the one who’s going to protect the parents when they are old and is the one who does their death-related rituals. Hindu scriptures say that a person who doesn’t have a son to perform his rituals will not gain heaven. Hence the urge for a boy child in a family is immense.
On the other hand, a girl child is a huge responsibility to the other members of the family (reason for female foeticide). The mother is concerned in inducing the expected feminine qualities in her and preparing her mentally and physically to become part of another household. She teaches her the household duties like cooking and cleaning. On the other hand, the father and brother (particularly if he is elder to the girl) are concerned about finding a suitable man for her. Most religions pronounce that the father’s soul will not rest in peace if he dies before marrying off his daughter. The elder brother similarly has a very high responsibility on her life. Many a time, brothers don’t get married if their sisters are still at home.
The institution of marriage is very central in building up the kin network. The larger one’s kin network, the higher the person’s status in that particular circle. Relations are created using women at home. Here, women are objects manipulated by the men to expand their kin network. Any action by the women against this manipulation is viewed as one against the ‘family good’. Thus, a woman marries not just a man, but a whole family and a kin network through him. Her every action in the marital household influences the familial relationships and it is her duty to preserve the integrity and pride of her parental household by means of her fair dealings with the in-laws.
A popular Malayalam proverb says, “Wars are plenty in this world due to two reasons- woman and gold”. What if both are equivalent? In most civilizations, women are considered wealth. They can be gifted to some one whose favour you seek and can be looted or kidnapped when you invade a place. In all myths, conflicts of clans are due to women.
On the other hand, the chastity of a woman is very central to the integrity of the family as well as the clan/kin network. In the fishing communities of the south there is a myth that it is a woman’s chastity that keeps her man safe out in the sea and that once she loses it, the whole community will have to suffer the wrath of the sea goddess. This is why communities chose molestation of woman of other communities (for example during the partition) as a weapon to induce shame on the other. A lower caste man’s elopement with an upper caste woman is a great shame to both the castes, especially to the girl’s family and badly affects its status in the kin and caste network. The ultimate attempt of a family to avenge such a humiliation is what usually results in honour killings.
Woman’s social status is defined only on the basis of marriage. Women are considered guardians of family and community order, purity and status in all South Asian religions. The control of marriage, particularly of girls, is central in bounding and saving the community. But working women usually cause a problem in these bindings. Their urge for higher education is viewed with suspicion in the kin network.
In north India, marriages are usually made to far away places and hence the woman is geographically separated from her near and dear and thus gets incorporated in the husband’s family in a more intense fashion. But in the south, marriages usually occur within one’s own family or village and this strengthens the kin network more. Here the women have a greater chance to negotiate her rights since her parental household is geographically close enough to support her in need. But in certain brahminical households, though the couple stay at the wife’s kin circle, when there is a problem, it is the man’s voice that gets prominence.
The kinship and caste networks usually overlap. The married woman’s nature is central to the existence of both. They are very hard to maintain and at anytime may be disrupted by a divorce. Another factor that disrupts it is Similarly, a marriage can also create a hierarchy even between close cross kin who had been social equals. For example, marrying daughters to a superior family upgrades a family in the network.
However, most norms regarding one’s gender identity undergoes changes with respect to the class and caste. For example, the chastity is an ideal for only the upper caste women while the lower caste is always vulnerable to sexual atrocities of the upper caste men. In certain clans, a lower caste woman accompanies a bride to her marital household and is bound to serve the sexual needs of the men there. It is this class of women who usually form the category of Ganikas or Devadasis who are actually women of art, but usually misinterpreted as sexually available women. Thus a family frames a person’s gender while the gender in turn influences the very existence of the family and others related to it. Class and caste add to the complexities to manipulate and make women’s life miserable. All these complexities together exerts a huge burden of understanding and responsibility on the women (for which she is not of course acknowledged) which she is often unable to fulfil resulting in problems sometimes beyond one’s imagination